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Coffee first or creme?

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    Coffee first or creme?

    First, I hate coffee. I can't stand the smell, the taste, or the fuckers who make that slurping noise when they drink it, or do the loud gulp when they swallow similar to when a girl swallows a heavy load of man batter.

    Coffee is just one of the things I just don't get. It's bitter, you have to put a bunch of shit in it to dummy down the taste, and it's best when it's so fucking hot your mouth will have permanent burns.

    Which brings me to my question;

    I have an outwardly crush at the moment on this cute gangsta girl who works at the local Dunkin donuts. Dark hair, blue eyes that could possibly be fake, a small dollar sign tattoo by her eye, and a nice, tight body without even a bit of fupa. She has a legit Instagram ass and we talk constantly on live. She calls me "radio daddy" and has a booth reserved so I can always look at her apple shaped ass as she bends over picking out long johns for her customers.

    Granted, I always wear sunglasses and have a strict "please no autographs" sign placed on my table when I do come in there and the only person I talk to is her, but I'm going off the rails...

    One thing I have observed, some ppl put the creme in the cup first when they drink coffee, and some put it in after it poured. The ppl who put it in first are more confrontational, and say shit like "I put my creme in, can you pour the fucking coffee already?" Where as those who pour the ceme in last are more chill.

    Which one are you?

    And another thing that grinds my gears, are the morons who should have been stuck in an exploding uterus after conception who shake fucking sugar packets. Why? Most sugar packets are already unbalanced, just rip the shit open, pour your shit, and grab another. Your not going to get every kernel of sugar out anyway, why act like shaking a package of sugar is going to suddenly shit the balance of life or something.

    Or, this one guy drinks black coffee, then open ups one of those little creamer cups and does a quick shot of creme and does this until he completes the entire cup.

    Why are coffee drinkers so fucking abnormal?
    RIP King Martini 2006/2020

    #2
    It's probably because you live in Chi. I've never encountered the weird behaviour as you described, and I spend a lot of time in Little Italy in my town. Big coffee drinkers in Little Italy, they make the real stuff here... all except for those barbarians at Starbucks in the unfashionable end. I'm actually surprised they had the nerve to open there to be honest.


    I walked in there once, took one look around and nearly left on the spot. It was nearly all university age students, thumbing their copies of Das Kapital and being good little socialist pond scum. I'm sure if I asked, half of them were probably taking creamer with their coffee, probably sugar as well to hide the taste of the cheap beans and stale taste of the shit Starbucks is known to sell at vastly inflated prices. I was only there for change for a parking meter myself, they could have pissed in the cup in front of me for all I cared, I was in a hurry. The usual rigmarole ensued, I just wanted a flat black, small, change in quarters if you please. I didn't even bother to look at the expression of the alleged barista as I tossed the cup straight into the trash, uncappad and unsipped on my way out the door.


    If you need cream and sugar in your coffee, you're either drinking shit coffee or a poseur... probably both. Real coffee tastes best black, the only concession I'll make to that is a slug of cold water if I need to down mine in a hurry or splash of milk if I'm guzzling an instant. Cream and sugar? Fuck that noise, put more coffee in if you don't like the taste and be a Man for fuck's sake.


    I approve of the "no autographs" sign by the way. I remember my first stint in commercial radio, the public regarded us jocks as Gods, which was just flat out embarrassing I thought. It did come with a steady procession of pretty girlies though, nearly all of whom had designs on getting their plumbing rinsed out with regular foaming beef injections. No idea why that would be, being an announcer/personality was just a job, the only difference was you were paid to open your mouth and ad-lib about a script. I had more fun on the show circuit to be honest, back answering smartass customers and raking in four and five figure days at field and trade shows. The travel was better and you didn't have to spend three quarters of your shift watching the clock and trying to work out how many words you could cram into your next speed break.

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      #3
      i like the smell of coffee better than the taste. i do send away for every free coffee sample i see on the freebie sites. got a bag of marley coffee. 2 bags of revelator coffee beans. those are good for the scent and if you ever been in a huge candle shop. they have little cups of coffee beans that people use like smelling salts when people get overcome and pass out due to the candles. i was in a candle place with this tour and started to get a headache after smelling too many dam candles. had to grad the coffee beans and stick a few up my nose.

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        #4
        You know, I might be geographical considering I've never seen such aggressive behavior over something so trivial anywhere but here.

        It's also the old men who fester into their holes in the wall every morning to bleat on about political bullshit they don't have a clue about and speak their opinion to the same ppl every single day, or talk sports without a deep knowledge out of what they hear on the broadcast or the stats they read in the newspaper.

        The way that talk to the gangsta chica if I was a jealous type I'd put the kabosh on it, but since I'm not, I find it funny she actually puts up with it in this day and age.

        As for the radio, I'm still getting used to it. I would have kids who watched my stream say stuff to me when I was waiting/bartending at the corporate chain I used to work at, but never asked for an autograph, just a shout out on stream.

        I have found out that ladies are more involved with the whole radio personality thing. I think it's the voice, but if I say something in public about having a radio show it seems only the females want to know where and how they can listen. Which is fine with me. If they want to hear me talking about video games more power to them.

        But like I said, I'm still getting used to it. I even had a conversation with the baby mamma saying it wasn't what I thought it would be and there's alot of work involved behind the scenes. Of course there's always alot of fresh topics to discuss, and I mostly shit all over them which is my gimmick, but trying to get everything into the time I'm allowed can be a chore, or, because of the pandemic many are working from home and we don't get their feed so my show goes on for longer and I've already used up the topics.

        I don't work from home and enjoy the studio atmosphere in a chill, relaxed environment compared to the others who are talking political bullshit or sports. Taking calls from fanbois is fun, so I'm actually digging this new endeavor within my career.

        And if it wasn't for the podcast, I highly doubt any thiswould have happened
        RIP King Martini 2006/2020

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          #5
          Maybe, maybe not. I can't really comment on your case, what I can tell you is I was running my first pirate radio endeavour at age ten and my first volunteer gig at age 14. And two months before my 19th birthday I had walked out on my first commercial radio gig. All of this I accomplished without the benefit of podcasts and at a time when network radio was not yet a thing. Shit, automation in many cases still a case of slotting c-class carts into rotating carousels. Satellite networking was just coming in and looked set to change all that and likely shrink the job market substantially, so I got out and took a job in audio engineering instead.

          Not going to piss in your pocket and call it rain, had my airchecks sounded like your podcasts then I'd likely not have been considered for my first volunteer gig, much less the commercial ones that followed. Not because of your delivery mind you (because let's face it, if someone with next to no personality like Brent can get a gig on Clear Channel presenting half a dozen different network feeds then you'd have no problem delivering one with your gift of the gab), it's more the mike technique which you employ. Which for an audience of a few dozen people, most of whom like Bent sound like zombies on prozac anyway. Hey, before I put myself through radio school at age 15 I was more or less just as they were in terms of listenability, but at least I knew the value of a pop filter and mike placement before I learned the art of projecting my voice and speaking off the cuff, never mind scripting my own material and delivering it as easily as that which was being scripted for me. And I didn't have the benefit of oh-so many years of dealing directly with the public as you've had bartending. All it takes is one PD to take a shine to your patois behind the bar really and it wouldn't matter how many podcasts you'd put out.

          I've revisited the gig myself a few times in the years since my 19th birthday too, but it's really not me any more. Talking actual radio here, not online streams (I run present three of those on a semi-regular basis based out of SL) but I wouldn't want to rely on it as a source of income, not nowadays. If video killed the radio star, then computerization reanimated the corpse and for new and improved ways of buggering it in ever more banal and unusual ways. Technology has advanced to the point where it's possible to record a two minute sample of someone talking and some monkey in advertising can take care of the rest from a textbox editor. Few enough can tell the difference between that and the genuine article now, so you can imagine what the next few years might hold in store. Most of my friends who went through radio school around the time I did bailed out radio years ago in favout of more lucrative pursuits and even the Bents of this world have found themselves relegated to regaling 5th rate celebrities with what flavour Night Train they had for breakfast on YouTurd.

          But do enjoy the twilight while it lasts though. Just don't get too attached to it. Radio, like Flametown, is a dead medium for all but an elie few who yet know how to milk the dregs for a passable crust.

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            #6
            Well the podcasts will always sound like shit and while it didn't really bother me before. Now, because I sound so much better on air I have stopped and restarted many time as of late.

            Honestly, I do the podcasts off my phone, which is the Apple X along with a Xbox headset which is the only mic I have in the house, and one of the reasons why I go to the studio to do my show instead of staying home during a pandemic.

            I'm also doing most podcasts laying down in bed with the gf laying next to me or the kids are sleeping. So yes, mic placement is a bitch most of the time, and when I see the gf start to smile when she hears me go off on a rant, I rarely even notice where the mic is, I'm just trying to entertain her at that point.

            But I do agree with your assessment of the future of radio, as in, there's very little of one. I still believe podcasts are the new shiny thing. Ppl can listen when and where they want, stop, come back when they feel like it. And honestly, that's where my focus will be once this part of my foot in the door expires.

            Am I in over my head? Perhaps, but I'm learning as much as I can about production and feeling my way around the community. I haven't really been this interested in something since I first started bartending, so at least I have that even if everything falls flat, the experience.

            We have this idea to incorporate a Twitch stream into the broadcast and my idea was having a cosplay event featuring nothing but anime bunny girls. Didn't go over so well but they liked my enthusiasm. I'll take it considering they saying I'm turning into a "shock jock" from all the replies they have been getting. Who knows, I might not have a job by next week and will be slinging drafts once again. (Shrugs)
            RIP King Martini 2006/2020

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Coronavirus View Post
              Well the podcasts will always sound like shit and while it didn't really bother me before. Now, because I sound so much better on air I have stopped and restarted many time as of late.

              Honestly, I do the podcasts off my phone, which is the Apple X along with a Xbox headset which is the only mic I have in the house, and one of the reasons why I go to the studio to do my show instead of staying home during a pandemic.

              I'm also doing most podcasts laying down in bed with the gf laying next to me or the kids are sleeping. So yes, mic placement is a bitch most of the time, and when I see the gf start to smile when she hears me go off on a rant, I rarely even notice where the mic is, I'm just trying to entertain her at that point.
              See how entertained she is when you cannibalise a coathanger and a pair of her pantyhose for the makeshift pop filter you hang off the mike boom between the mic and your mouth. Or when you dangle a shotgun mike over her cooch like a big black Cock of Death and start delivering your rants from behind her pubes... that ought to prove interesting.


              Originally posted by Coronavirus View Post
              But I do agree with your assessment of the future of radio, as in, there's very little of one. I still believe podcasts are the new shiny thing. Ppl can listen when and where they want, stop, come back when they feel like it. And honestly, that's where my focus will be once this part of my foot in the door expires.

              Am I in over my head? Perhaps, but I'm learning as much as I can about production and feeling my way around the community. I haven't really been this interested in something since I first started bartending, so at least I have that even if everything falls flat, the experience.

              We have this idea to incorporate a Twitch stream into the broadcast and my idea was having a cosplay event featuring nothing but anime bunny girls. Didn't go over so well but they liked my enthusiasm. I'll take it considering they saying I'm turning into a "shock jock" from all the replies they have been getting. Who knows, I might not have a job by next week and will be slinging drafts once again. (Shrugs)
              Hence my suggestion to have fun with it while it lasts. You don't have to bother with FCC regulations and depending on the ToS of the host are likely not limited by much of anything past what you can legally get done for in terms of incitement and so forth.That gives you a freer rein for expression which id a double edged sword in many respects - while you are relatively unhampered by reining your self expression, you're also going to have to go a little further to really earn the "shock jock" title, all without giving people a reason to cancel you.

              The last "shock jock" that impressed me significantly was fourteen years old when her notoriety brought her to the attention of Buzzfeed and she was subsequently brigaded off YouTurd for upsetting the muslim and LGBTQ applecarts. Currently making a name for herself on a paid subscription service, though just how much of her 900,000 strong YT audience she managed to maintain isn't immediately clear.

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                #8
                I don't drink coffee, I drink tea. I put nothing in it.

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