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the day we went to the abortion clinic with janis

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    the day we went to the abortion clinic with janis

    so janis was the school slut. she hooked up with jeff, a total stoner, but not the same stoner that sat behind me, he was cool even though he was a stoner.

    janis said she made jeff use a condom but he was taking the catholic rules about not using birth control seriously and did not use one, the whole no sex until married he ignored. so janis misses her period and is going on and on about it before school starts. i tell her to get a preggy test but she does not want to be seen buying one. i don't want to be seen buying one either, no one did. so we decide to just steal one from the store. i put it in my backpack while janis and another girl made sure no one saw us. fuck. no we did not get caught but janis was preggy. the whole school knew within days. jeff was not treated as a hero, not in catholic school. he and janis were both getting the stink eye from a lot of kids. jeff asked what janis wanted to do, he asked if she told her parents. janis said she did not want to have a baby and no way was she going to tell her parents cause they would kick her out of the house. of course jeff is happy since he don't want to tell his parents or raise a baby. i respect your choice, he actually said that to janis. he was shaking like a leaf.

    but, where is she going to get an abortion? who is gonna pay for it. well her aunt worked at the local abortion clinic. she knew all the rules and how to get a note from the court allowing janis to get an abortion without notifying her parents. she was what you would call a radical feminist. janis tells jeff he has to pay for the abortion. jeff says he does have that much money. it's 350 buicks and you better pay janis screamed at him. he says ok. then janis asks us if we can chip in and get some money together in case jeff fails to deliver on the money. it is not like we can have a bake sale for janis's abortion, but some of the other girls and a few boys, who probably thought donating would get them a pity fuck or something, donated around 100 bucks. jeff got around 200 bucks, he had a part time job after school. janis wanted to get this done fast and her aunt set it up. jeff did not want to go to the abortion clinic with janis. we threatened to key his car with the words "dirty little prick" if he did not go with her. and we would have, and we would not have used a key, we would use a screwdriver and go deep into that paint so that message was real clear and readable.

    so we all head to the abortion clinic with jeff tagging along like a lost puppy dog. there were two abortion protesters outside, two old men holding up signs saying, keep your baby. we tell jeff to lead the way into the clinic, so he acts all manly and is shooing the two old men away and we are ushered into the clinic and greeted by janis's aunt. she has to fill out forms and one girl asks if she is positive she wants to do this. then jeff buts in and says, it's her choice let her decide. he was so pussy whipped at this point and afraid that his parents would find out and kill him. janis says she aint having no kid, especially jeffs. so they take her into the room where it happens and we all wait. this was early first trimester. jeff is now sweating like crazy and keeps asking if she is going to be ok. when it was done we take janis home. the aunt calls her parents and says janis has a touch of mono and that she should stay home for a week. she had no complications. we told everyone at school that janis came down with mono and jeff was saying he had mono and gave it to janis, it helped diffuse the gossip and gave her a cover story. the rumors of her pregnancy faded and people now thought that she and jeff had just made out and gotten mono. janis was back in school the next week. when jeff tried to talk to her she told him to fuck off from now on, she was done with him. and she was. she did not date at all after that. she never told her parents. and we kept silent, like that movie i know what you did last summer were a group of friends hit that bum with their car and vow to keep it a secret. in the movie they started getting notes saying. "i know what you did last summer" and it ended with most of them getting murdered, but we never got any notes saying "we know what you guys did in catholic school last semester". janis and her aunt were tight after that. janis later told us that her aunt also had gotten preggy during high school. if she did not have that aunt, i do not know what she would have done.

    One time I was dating this gorgeous girl named Cara. She looked like Posh Spice from the Spice Girls. Coincidentally, she had a boyfriend at the time and was leaning towards being with the Martini man more then him.

    I made her cum. (Wink)

    Right out of college, I started bartending at this dive. Yes, this was before I learned about the wonders of club bartending and it's many facets of wealth. But it was fine, I was getting my feet wet in the industry.

    I was between shifts at the mall. I had been saving up for a Pelle jacket and for those who don't know, they really aren't cheap. Winter was coming and I needed something to keep me warm. I was coming out the leather store, Wilson's, and bumped into somebody I grew up with. He was still ghetto and had looked like he did some jail time by his actions. We were like "holy shit" and proceeded to chit chat.

    At the time, I was nowhere near the motherland and started to slowly drift away from that life. So did he....well, he was forced to, but that's another story. He asked me what I did for a living and if i could get him a job, I said probably. We exchanged numbers and all that, I sent him up to an interview and he no showed.

    Oh well, I thought. Not my problem and that was the end of it.

    One day, out of the blue, he hit my Nokia 6650 and said "bro let's chill". During this time frame, I was a raging power drinker. I had introduced Cara into the joys of Olde English malt liquor and at it's cheap price point all we seemed to do was get hotel rooms, get wasted, and fuck. One time I threw up all over the bed and then told her I wanted to go down on her and she freaked out. I was between her legs and she said I could lick it once but that was it....wait, I'm veering....

    So I said, "sure, why not?" And told him my day off was Sunday. He said he wanted me to meet his girlfriend, who, no cap, was a piece of ass. Prime. Filet. Too good for him, I thought.

    Well, Sunday came and we all chilled. His gf wouldn't drink and Cara and myself were hammered. Then I got serious.

    He told me his gf was pregnant and he needed an abortion. She started crying. I was drunk, I thought it was a joke. See, the goal that day was to get Cara to tattoo my name on her arm, but after hearing all that shit, I wasn't going to happen. The kid was drunk and started emo-raging, so I told Cara to take him out and get more booze. During that time, I fucked that girl and crempied her to when I was finished I said "well I guess you can't get any more pregnant now can you" then she started crying so I felt bad. The girls pussy smelt like peaches, I give her that. I told her I would pay her abortion if she wanted it and then all was good. She started drinking actually. See, I'm that feel good guy.

    Well, that night ended up good. Everyone was happy and I fucked two hot chicks in one night.

    A couple weeks later we had to go thru with the whole abortion. The girl scheduled it at a clinic and asked me and Cara to come with for support which meant they needed a ride. Cara was one of those ocd types and had a thing about having her car clean. She assumed the two sitting in the back had dirty shoes do we had to go and vacuum the car before we went. When the vacuum turned on, I quickly stuck it between the legs of the girl and said "bruh, here's your future, live it, love it" and the kid started laughing. Cara didn't think it was funny, she only had a 1.25 in quarters.

    We were driving and I started singing "Brick" by Ben Foods Five. I tried everyone to sing along with me but everyone thought it was in bad taste.

    Me and Cara waited in the parking lot and drank on some 40s. I was drawing on her face with a peanut butter cup when they both came out. I asked the girl if she wanted me to roll her up a muffler, which is wrestling speak for a wad of toilet paper to shove up either your ass or vajuju, she declined.

    The ride home was quiet. I remember looking over at Cara trying to lick her own face because of the candy. So to lighten the mood, I turned around and said;

    "Look, people die every day. It's not a big deal. You killed your own child. It's not the first time shit like that has happened. I mean, there's now many horror movies out there that have something like that".

    Didn't really go over too well, I don't know why. I did recommend she get the tear stop tatt by her eye and said I would pay for it since she truly was a gangster.

    She was feeling all alone
    Then she ever had before

    Last I heard the girl who killed her kid was a stand up women, the kid went to prison for GTA, and Cara is still foxy after all these years.
    RIP King Martini 2006/2020



      you aint gonna see these two stories being reposted anywhere. were they too controversial?

      i will add another. i do not know how common it is to have someone murdered in your school, but it did happen at our catholic high school. girl got stabbed by two scum bags. no idea how it went down but as soon as it happened the whole school knew. it was all everyone was talking about, and you know what else they were saying, she was a slut who probably contributed to her own demise. you think BH was vicious, some of these kids were terrible. ok, she was known to be lose and hung around these boys that you knew were heading to jail soon anyway. but as you walk to your locker you overhear people saying all these nasty ass things.

      so each class, the teacher tells us what happens and says their will be a mass for her and you may go to it and be excused from class. in that new age teachers class she decides to play her new age games and have each of us say how we feel about this murder. we barely get through one aisle when some kid says . "she should not have been hanging around with trash like that" and then another kids goes, "this is bullshit, all i hear is what a whore she was but you bastards never even knew her and you talking all this shit"

      great job new age teacher, you got people crying and others acting all high and mighty and blaming the victim. you made everyone feel even worse. when it comes my turn, i don't even know her, she is either one class lower or higher. so i just say, "i know nothing" "pass"

      that new age teacher, how did she get hired? i preferred the nuns.

      in catholic school their is so much gossip. in the morning i would wait in class until the starting bell rung. this other girl would go on and on about her boyfriend. swear to god i knew what days she was on her period and if it was heavy or light. every day she is giving us run down of all shit she is doing and what her boyfriend is not doing. omg, yesterday she was up all night bent over the toilet. were you drinking. no, she thought it was just a flu bug. next day she had a fight with her boyfriend, parents tell her to dump him, she want to give it another try. this is every day, it becomes a ritual. think she eventually dumped him.

      final note, know anyone who had scarlet fever? this boy, who was in like 3 of my classes and was always asking to borrow my pens, had scarlet fever. we noticed he was kinda red. but then we find out he has scarlet fever and i am thinking. well how catchy is this shit. no one else got it but we should all have been sent to the nurse.


        Originally posted by Regina George View Post

        you aint gonna see these two stories being reposted anywhere. were they too controversial?
        Nahh, just posted from the wrong account I reckon. But well worth the read. I'd submit this is exactly the sort of thing which would be right at home in the Event Horizon subforum, though I'm not one to judge. Not like the amount of people who get all bent out of shape on the subject. It's nothing short of incredible how irate the pro-lifers get and it's not as if we're wanting for extra warm bums on seats, not with eight billion of us roaming the planet already.

        I mean if they were really convinced it was murder, why not concentrate their efforts on having the perpetrators of it charged as such? Oh right, that would mean overturning Roe v Wade and from what I can tell through polling data that's never enjoyed the popular vote. Unlike Madam Billary who did enjoy the popular vote, but that's another story entirely.

        Personally, the libertarian in me thinks abortions are a great idea. There should be way more of them too. I mean look on the bright side, it further negates not only the need for a big government, but also the ability to pay for one. And it would encourage the Poo-eaters of this world to spread their legs more often when in the company of the incels she likes to knock about with. Shit, you could even provide incentives... maybe a punchcard you get validated every time a doctor shoves a pair of eggbeaters up between her legs and cranks the handle. "Free leg of mutton resleeving and a complimentary vaginoplasty with every fifth procedure", you know, that sort of thing.

        I'm just spitballing here, but you know it makes a lot more sense than showing how christian and pro-life you are by murdering the doctors who perform them godless state-sponsored abortions. You know how them ding-dang bible-belters get. And I otherwise have no tale of my own to share on the topic, much less one that comes the the eloquence you gentlemen have displayed here.

        I do however have a little ditty on the subject, as performed by Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon. Enjoy.



          there is an abortion clinic not too far away. they always have three of four protesters outside. but at least they offer more than just screaming "keep your baby". they have a halfway house were you can go if you want to have the baby but need help with food and diapers.

          now i heard km talking about uber. you said you you owned a vintage shelby, or maybe that was someone else. but for people who drive really bad and get into lots of accidents. they have this service that takes you to appointments. it is like uber but with less rapes. you only get so many rides a month, most of the drivers are from turkey, they always have the radio on and it plays chants from mecca and sermons from the imams. i had to go see a counselor to discuss if i intended to harm any of the posters on the flame forums. so you always get picked up late or way too early. this time we had to drop off another lady at the meth clinic. she tells the driver to wait, she will only be 5 minutes and come right out. this driver was irish and looked like a typical football hooligan. we wait and he goes, "this lady is taking longer that 5 minutes, i aint waiting much longer, i got other pick up" so he leaves her there, halfway to my destination he calls her up and the woman is asking where is he, and he is like "bitch, i got other pickups, i can't wait there all day for your ass. i will be back when i finish this drop off"

          i get to my destination and the door is locked and the woman asks for an id. i don't bring anything with me to this appointments except a cell phone and pepper spray. they have my info on the computer. they never ask for it. she says the place is on lockdown. some guy is either trying to get in or is inside and they can't find him. so why the fuck do i wanna go in there then if you fools don't know where this guy is. is he gonna kill us? she takes my name and lets me in. i prep my pepper spray. now in the waiting room we got a boy dressed up as a girl. he is talking and he don't sound like a women in a mans body, he look like a skinny model dressed in leg stockings, mini skirt, and blouse. hair is dyed blonde. he waving his hands around while talking like a black girl. he all confused. his father dropped him off. i bet he did not vote trump.

          then we have a blind black man. and he has no help at all. i guess if you are totally blind you can get around but i dont think this man can. he is backing up looking for a seat right next to me and i gotta speak up and tell him where the seat is before he falls on his ass. some people have helpers with them to fill out forms but this guy is all alone. i go in and say, "no, i am not cutting". then i gotta wait for my ride to show up. again they will either be out there waiting or 30 minutes late.

          guess who i meet. the blind guy. he seems confused and looks like he is going to crash into this reception area. so i grab his hand and guide him to the counter and he is telling the lady that a ride is coming for him and i hope she alerts him when it comes cause i see my ride is here and i can't stay and be his guide. i have no idea how this man is able to get back and forth like this. no eye dog. no cane. maybe he has that echo location trick where you make a high pitched "click" sound and see where everything is by judging how fast the sound waves bounce back to you. this place is crazy as cath school. there is one lady who has a fear of riding in the elevator alone and she has to wait downstairs until someone comes in and will ride up one floor with her. another time in the waiting room we all hear a "thud" and "ohhhhhhhhh" a fat man fell up the stairs. not down but up. you do that by falling forward on the steps. i look up but i don't wanna go check in case he split his fucking head open. other people in the waiting room go help. another time a guy is laying next to the elevator. people walk by and tell the employees. the employees talk to each other deciding what to do, they send one lady downstairs and she finds out he is just taking a nap on the floor.

          the ride service i think is run by another guy from turkey. he is always calling other drivers and telling them to hurry up. the more rides you do the more money you get so there is an incentive to pack the car with people and speed. one female driver gets a call and she is pissed, "i got a fucking cold, i feel sick, and you want me to pick up these other motherfuckers not even on my route, fuck this shit." she apologized to me for cursing, i told her i hope she feels better, she dropped me off and said she was going home. fuck it, they can get another driver to complete my pick ups. people quit this job a lot. i know a few drivers who have been at it a few years, others are not able to hack it.

          one black girl who drives, she good. she funny. this older women was in the car and bragging she just had a birthday and does not look a day over 60. when she exits the car the driver is, "shit, maybe her ass don't look a day over 60 but her face sure does" then another time she is telling some guy on the cellphone how to make spagetti. says she has it all made all he has to do is add the pasta and sauce, heat it up. she hangs up. says, if he can't make fucking spagetti, he sad.

          never took a uber btw. taxi, yes. some were awful. where you wanna go. i tell him. he hands me his gps cellphone and tells me to program it in. ok.