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I have a confession.

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  • I have a confession.

    I or should I say we, yes I will say we, have something to tell you all. No, no we are not some Alien entity about to screw up your little world, Donald Trump is doing a good job at that by himself, hmmmm. No we are not the spirit of Hermes the Greek trickster come to upend your cherished assumptions. Though we do owe those old gods a debt of gratitude.

    We are a collective effort of simple tomfoolery. In it's earliest form it was called Usenet performance art, the Kirk "character" mentioned by some was actually a 14 year old video game addict who started the whole shebang. Through college contacts the group grew and it's members increased. As the internet evolved so did it's members until various web shenanigans developed.

    Have you seen the YouTube video called "Unedited Footage of a Bear"? This was like that but just carried out among these so called "Flame" forums.

    Is that guy Jewish. One is, he has so much guilt and is always worried about offending his mother. He wrote most of that dreary and depressing Third Rail material. Many of us took up self cutting after proof reading his first drafts.

    College educated smart ass girl, we got one . Actually most of us have completed college, can you tell, I hope so because we still owe a crap load of money on our dam student loans. I would have said "Fucking student loans" for added emphasis but I am one who eschews such silly swear words when an appropriate adjective will suffice. I prefer one sentence that says more than the average man says all day.

    You may ask what purpose this served.

    Free stuff of course. Movies, TV show, just about everyone will send you free stuff once you make the right connections. Show an interest in movie and they will send you all types of promo items, even tickets to a Lewis Black comedy show in NY. We actually ate those carmel filled M and M's months before you did. We were responsible for choosing the right texture and flavor for that product during our numerous taste tests and product surveys,

    We have always remained detached and aloof from our subjects (that means you). Some may call this cultish, but we never reached that level where the neighbor's dog was telling us what to post. Consider us the red pill, a little wake up from your daily slumbers.

    We were invited to the Bilderberg group but we politely declined.

    You are safe, no harm will come to you.

    Trust us, the internet has never lied to you and never will.

    But alas, newsgroups are not what they used to be. We can buy all our happiness at with same day shipping now, poor newsgroup can't compete with Apple Siri, she smarter than 90% of the people on the internet, I will be talking to her when I am done talking to you.

    Do you understand now?

    Is your mind at ease, stretch your legs, walk around for a bit. Take a 1 minute time out.

    Sooth any anxiety my words may have caused to arise within you and then sit back down and find that inner peace and grasp onto it and never let go.

    How are you feeling?

    Much better I presume.

    If not just drink some water, they never filter out all the antidepressants, so bottoms up, free mind altering medicine straight from the tap.

    I love you all.

    Has anyone ever told you that?

    I bet not, that is why you are posting in these newgroups, we know all about you. Not any personal information, just enough to know your are all broken.

    Want to hear something tragically funny. College girl, and she is letting me share this bit with you, she dyed her hair with hena and it turned her hair swamp water green.

    She has class on Tuesday. It will wash off I told her, it may take 100 washes with tomato juice, but it will wash off.

    Just like the shame of posting on silly little forum boards will wash off, we have all moved on to making YouTube videos. Why have you not joined us?

    Can you see yourself in the reflection of your monitor? Or, do you look away, afraid of what you might see. Give yourself a hug if no one else will.

    Things will get better for all of you, maybe.

    Now dear reader it is that time when the lady with the pills comes around, I always pretend to swallow, but the pile of pills under my bed proves otherwise.

    Or I have to finish downloading that screener of Atomic Blonde to review.

    But I know what you will be doing to tomorrow, you will be back posting and reading these newsgroups because the experiment is not yet over.

    You have all been so cooperative and predictable, and I don't mean that in a condescending manner.

    We must sign off now, our mission statement has changed, The Rabbit Tamer was the final piece we needed and has been acquired.

    we will be seeing you.......<--- count the dots they reveal the answers you still seek.

  • #2
    1. Nice tale, but some Flynn character already floated that boat over at BH where pretty much everyone who was anyone was passing out their login details to anyone who cared to run similar kinds of "trolls".

    2. Most of us are using matte displays. It is by far a better option, impossible to see any reflections in a matte display and they keep the smudges to a minimum because of it. How can you kiss your reflection when there is no reflection in front of you?

    3. This is not a newsgroup.

    But thank you for the read. It killed some time while I was trimming my arse hairs, so I do appreciate your efforts.


    • #3
      Cunty, when you type your posts do you scream each word as you type them? Some people find this technique therapeutic and you seem like an individual who would benefit by using it.

      Can you speak french? Do you know if a person learns a second language are they able to read a book and the voice in their head is able to repeat the words back in french as fluid as they can in their native language?

      We have some people here debating that and we asked this woman who spoke Polish as a second language and she just looked at us and refused to answer the question

      BTW, to stay on topic, your couch smells and you have absolutely deplorable hair hygiene.

      [couch gif goes here]


      • #4
        No, oh, not really, sometimes, not surprised, eat a bowl of dick. Here's one that was prepared with your type in mind.

        I do speak a little Bahasa Indonesia though and can passably converse in a number of Malaysian dialects, though it's all a bit rusty through non-use. The rest of my foreign linguistic skills are patchy at best and useful only for zeroing in on the correct language to point Babelfish at.


        • #5
          I want to add a bit of thought about why some people in TRF are acting as they are.

          It appears some people actually take the whole "flame gang" thing seriously. That shit was started by KOF with the color coded knight pics, the King Arthur dance parties.

          Gif in, Gif out.

          Obi talking about "booting" people out of an imaginary "flame gang". Was this like the Freemasons, did everyone meet up at the corner of McDonalds and plot that days virtual attacks? Did I search out KOF members when i was in jail looking for protection from the surenos mexican gang? That sure would go over well when the Aryan brotherhood ask me what gang i ran with and I reply "KOF" Yea, we were a gang of idiots who sit on our ass all day and harass people in the "Book Scraping" newsgroup. "KOF MOTHERFUCKER".

          And then your ass is sold for a single "little debbie moonpie" and KOF becomes the new command word for drop your pants, daddy wants some love.

          CW aint ruinning a drug cartel and trying to steal "soldiers" from TRF, Flea aint bribing the mexican police to let her cocaine shipments thru customs but stop FT's heroin.

          We got Obi acting like Michael Corleone going 'Ayy dat the way we do thing around here at third rail, support the godfather brain or else you be drinking your own swimmers with the fishes"

          <Obi gesticulates with his pinky finger, his gold ring glinting in the light>

          "You serve this family, so what if we have started inbreeding, Cock is cock."

          Then we got brain weeping so many blood tears that the Pope has declared it a miracle. Must be the height, short men usually have other body parts that are equally short, or maybe he is mentally ill.

          You are just typing words that in TRF's case, spiders are reading. If i was to read a post at random from TRF or even FT, PO to a guy i met on the street he would go, "why you fucking bothering with that stupid shit, smarten up"

          It's all basically inconsequential nonsense unless you start piling up bodies in the basement and blame it on being not able to post at TRF anymore.

          Yes some people can actually log out and not log in, people have actually quit world of warcraft a hell of a more fun thing to do 24/7 than clicking the next "johny storm" post. TRF aint world of warcraft, its just one of billions and billions of websites on the net

          It seems some people have too much invested in them, I remember cunty saying it takes him less than an hour to read whatever there is worth reading in TRF and replying to it, now maybe johnny puts hours and countless hours in his material. Maybe stan's gifs require more skill and time to upload and post than we think. But most of us are alt tabbing this shit and not losing any sleep over intriguing stuff like "what seat number did Freud sit in when he flew to meet Feral and did his ears pop from the high altitude. Was he given a complimentary bag of peanuts??"

          Who fucking cares.

          TRF has become like a house full of in-laws arguing about shit that happened when they were 5 years old.

          Uncle Bob brushed against your ass accidentally as he fell down the stairs in a drunken stupor and you are still bringing it up every chance you get because you thought he was trying to cop a feel and he has never apologized for it.

          Guess what, when you log off, and I am doubting some people in TRF have ever logged off, everyone on the internet disappears, they go POOF

          I no longer see anyone unless I am attending freud's knitting circle, then i take a 5000 mile plane ride and sleep on Cuntys couch until i wake up and start feverishly checking TRF to see what Feral had to eat that day.


          KOF don't exists and neither do unicorns, unless you are, your website is a small truck stop on the internet highway that provides a slight diversion while waiting for the porn to download. Maybe that is a good idea, some people should become addicted to internet porn, it would be a healthy improvement from obsessing about couches and digging in people asses.

          and GOD asked, where were you when i was laying the foundation of the universe, if you answer "posting a dog taking a shit gif in TRF, that is the wrong answer.

          Amazon is god and Ebay is his son, they are all you need for a happy and fulfilling life on the internet

          brain's site, even FT and PO are but ephemeral illusions.

          btw i did not read trf, i just read cuntys trf post and therefore by reading his post i basically read the only thing worth reading in trf . reading the other people cunty has quoted in his post i notice its the same old shit only with more angst added in for good measure. repeat after me, this aint real life. Bra1in probably does not even exist, we saw his vacation pics but never saw his passport, why was that??


          • #6
            Virgin... 1 carry on... no peanuts. Think I bought a mini coke... short flight...


            • #7
              Coming back to Canadia is always a disappointment when it comes to cans of pop. You get used to 375ml cans of Coke, never noticing until you have to make do with the 355ml varieties available locally.

              I blame the US metric system. Those fuckers really ought to get with the times and join the rest of the world for weights and measures. Much easier scalability and we can finally enjoy a standard sizing of fizzy water irrespective of where we go. Well, unless you happen to be going to Western Australia of course, but those fucks never knew what they were doing in the first place.


              • #8
                The yanks are pretty shit at pouring proper shots too.

                Piss weak...


                • #9
                  Yes. Thankfully the local barkeeps are well versed in the art of pouring out sambucca and setting it alight. Nothing quite warms the heart like a freshly burned shot of sam with a coffee bean to crunch down on afterwards.


                  • #10
                    You've reminded me that I need to nick down the road for some cinnamon and JD at some point. I've got a little sick stowaway nearby who needs a hot totty...

                    "1 for you, the rest for daddy"...


                    • #11
                      you can buy all types and sizes of soda at an online japanese snack store. They have more flavors of pepsi and coke than anyone, including wasabi and pickle. Drinks called "healthy sweat" and weird milk that is not really milk. Strawberry kits kats, citrus kit kats, and on and on. Every winter I order a box full of candy and soda.

                      It is all safe too, no radiation from that power plant that is still melting down.

                      All the best candy and soda pop is in Japan, that is why Japan has such a low crime rate.


                      • #12

                        Wait till your Daddy gets home:

                        That Obi sure has a mean streak. He accused Flea and blandscape of conspiring to "put another nail in the TRF match coffin"

                        And blandscape joins cunty in the "no life loser" category.

                        They both are not going to be able to call out, vote, or have any voice in these weighty TRF matters.

                        And the only thing i see in that match appears to be more PI pics since it is face censored. I do not know why a child's photo is being posted when just 5 hours ago Brain was railing on and on about Caskur posting Mr pickles kids. Oh wait, that is the TRF hypocrisy rule.

                        Maybe they can get their TRF champ to run in and post another 1 pixel turd gif and call it a smashing success.

                        And benzo spoke ominously "Oh Bland is going to love it in 'the furnace'", Bland don't give a fuck about TRF, he is Scottish.

                        I find it odd that people are actually celebrating at the thought of more people "departing" TRF. Maybe that is the whole idea. Just become so awful that everyone of worth leaves and you are just left with a bunch of sycophants sucking their own cocks and making silly faces at each other.


                        • #13
                          To cunty:

                          You do not simply trim your ass hairs, you shave them all off.

                          Squat down over a mirror, use a bear/sideburn trimmer to get any long hairs to a manageable length. Then move in with your electric shaver and mow down the rest being careful not to become too aroused with the vibrations.

                          Be bold, use a gillette 5 blade fushion razor and really get a close, smooth ass canyon. I am actually quite shocked when people brag about ass hairs, that is like a woman bragging about her armpit afros. You trim that shit so that shit don't cling to those hairs and you use 1/3 less toilet paper a year. Or just 1 wet wipe will make your sphincter sparkle if you have no unseemly hair littering your bum area.

                          That is just common hygiene in the 21 century.


                          • #14
                            I am going to end today on this note. This may hint at Brain being asian after all because, sorry to say it, by Sir Cunty has become Brain's senpai.

                            It is an obsession with an older, wiser man who acts as a teacher or an upperclassman mentoring an underclassman. But that relationship gets out of hand if senpai fails to acknowledge his appreciation and love of his admirer. Then she goes all homicidal and starts killing any rivals to senpai's affection.

                            Notice some brain quotes from yesterday.

                            "Nectar dripping down his chin"

                            "When i think of no life loser..."

                            "When he is not singing in the bathroom..."

                            "Scroll bombs are a shot through the heart, and you're to blame, darlin', you give flame a bad name..."

                            "Each time he mentions a 503 error I just have to touch myself, i really don't want anyone else..oh no..oh no.,,,"

                            "his couch...that couch....sleeping on his couch...COUCH"

                            Sir Cunty is now being thought about by Brain every day and what did Cunty do to garner this degree of affection?

                            He just posted a well thought out post with many words in TRF. And he is not even posting every day in there, it was just 2 posts in a 7 day stretch.

                            Notice how the TCW are acting as surrogates for Brain as they "kill" off any cunty rival...FREUD.

                            Freud is getting squeezed between the couches and buried under the cushions. I noticed every post today was either another gay lame or room mate allegation.

                            Benzo is trying to sell off blandscape as a website bride to FT, Benzo is saying Freud can't get it up anymore unless he sees his name mentioned in a TRF post, Phrost is offering Freud an ass wiping position. Johnny is riding the cawk like Brig. Gen. Jack D. Ripper rides a bomb in Dr. Strangelove.

                            When is Cunty's next concert, will he shout out my name, please senpai, notice me!

                            It is fucking creepy.

                            Freud may actually have to take up crocheting therapy and make himself some nice tea cozies.

                            I have heard more about Freud's penis than anyone should ever know.

                            Amazing how Freud is able to deal with the idée fixe of the his TRF number one fans.

                            He is the substitute for when Cunty is not posting, it has all boiled down to these fatal attractions, a war of the couches.

                            may you be protected from hearts that are not humble


                            • #15
                              I've given them another scrollbomb to worry about. Unlike all but one of the previous ones however, this was directed solely at one person.


                              Now, I know what you're thinking: why would I scrollbomb the old codger? Well... in truth I didn't, no more so than I scrollbombed any of the dozen or so people I replied to repeatedly in the last few weeks at PIIrail. There are people in this world who would like to disagree of course, poor pathetic souls who cannot concentrate past the 200 word mark without being consumed with an inexplicable desire to start babbling about spillage while strangling their dicks to trannie gifs, but a scrollbomb... a real scrollbomb I mean... requires significantly more output than two posts.

                              Know how I know? Well it's simple; if you check the thread where I beat Bra1n into stunned silence three years ago, you'll see that my eight post effort was in fact in response to Bra1n's TWO post effort... and nobody is making a song and dance about Bra1n being guilty of spending half a week to churn that out.

                              So you see.... right there.

                              Anyway... about the post directed towards TWAP. I figured I owed him a few words. You know, for old time's sake. It's certainly in the realms of his attention span, after all a few of his knights used to pump out such missives at the OOTIKAWK back in the day. The salutary harkening back to the style of yore is the kind of thing he needs to get his match system back on track and it just wouldn't do for him to have missed it simply because his boss drowned it out with the sorts of drivel my weekly poundings of his cranium have produced. It won't be enough to save PIIrail mind you, though it might give the old guy a few pointers on how to avoid repeating the same mistakes at the next forum he chooses to sling his shingle. I am not a heartless bastard, I don't WANT to see him fail any more than I care to see PIIrail fail and so far despite his insufferable fumblings TWAP is the only staff member over there making any attempt to get his cred as a mover and shaker back on track. Ceedub has been effectively denied any opportunity in doing so on the behalf of PIIrail while Vixen and Bra1n appear to have no clue whatsoever and no inclination to go buy one.

                              I shall still be showing up every week to rape the denizens of PIIrail with impunity of course. Well, for as long as I am afforded the opportunity and find their plaintive kittenish mewls worth the odd hour or two of course. It amuses me somewhat to spend so little of the time they have invested destroying their arguments to such a degree that they would devolve into third grader attacks and as for the outright monkey screechings that they produce when I proceed to club them over the head with with their own stupidity...

                     brings me closer to God.